A cautionary Valentine: When NYC’s expensive real estate market plays cupid
- Brick Underground’s best advice on dealing with the pressure NYC couples face to move in together quickly
According to an Apartments.com survey: One-third of renters moved in with their partner to save money and 28 percent of couples moved in within six months of starting a relationship.
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When I asked my then-boyfriend if he wanted to move in with me, he fell on the floor.
At the time, I lived in Manhattan and he lived in Brooklyn. Going to his place seemed like a hassle and it didn’t make sense to be paying two rents. Then there was the night he fell asleep on the subway going home alone. He slept as the train went to the end of the line in Coney Island and woke up back in Manhattan.
I thought moving in together made sense, after all, I owned my studio apartment and lived near where he was attending graduate school. It seemed like a romantic and very practical thing to do.
Here’s why he was in shock: We had only been dating for three months. My invitation knocked him flat on the floor where he stayed to process what I was saying. (He eventually recovered and proposed to me soon after. We did everything pretty fast in those days.)
But our story is not so unusual. Expensive real estate plays cupid with couples, accelerating relationships through cohabitation. It’s a step that feels exciting and romantic, and seems financially savvy (at least while the relationship remains intact).
Consider this national 2025 Apartments.com survey, which asked couples their motivation for moving in together:
- One-third of renters moved in with their partner to save money and 28 percent of couples moved in within six months of starting a relationship.
- Nearly half of renters (49 percent) later debated staying in a relationship solely because they shared a lease.
- Of those, 55 percent stayed longer than they wanted to because of housing constraints.
Cohabitating is especially alluring when you live in an expensive city like New York because it can enable you to live larger, said Irina Firstein, a NYC couples therapist. “With two incomes, you can have a bigger apartment in a better area than living separately,” she said.
It also means no more messy roommates or lack of privacy.
Still many couples—chiefly professionals in their late 20s to 35 years old—are propelled by the high cost of housing and arrive at the decision to move in together somewhat prematurely, Firstein said.
Breaking up is hard to do
Moving in before you know each other really well puts a lot of pressure on a couple, and when the relationship doesn’t work out, you face a tough housing search on top of heartbreak.
“Break ups are also very problematic as usually neither can afford the rent on their own,” Firstein said. “So couples do tend to stay together longer either because of lease situation or because they don’t want to go back to living with other people or move in with their family.”
Thinking of saying the M words (move in with me) to someone you barely know? On this Valentine’s Day eve, here’s a look back at some of Brick’s best advice on mixing relationships and real estate.
Take our quiz
NYC-proof your relationship! Check in with each other on the importance of alone time, neatness, and other habits before you share a space permanently. Because dating and sleep overs are one thing, and day-to-day, live-in situations are quite another. Read: “8 questions to ask before you move in with your boyfriend or girlfriend in NYC.”
Do the math
A StreetEasy report from 2022 looked at just how much money two New Yorkers can save by living together in a one bedroom. Check out the interactive map to find out your individual discount. Read: “NYC couples can save nearly $30,000 on rent by moving in together.”
Follow the rules
NYC’s roommate law gives most tenants the right to have a roommate, and generally all you need to do is provide the landlord with their name and the fact they have moved in with you. To stay on the right side of rules, read: “How much information do I have to give the landlord before I move in with my friend?”
Protect your investment
Here’s what you need to know if one of you owns the apartment and how to protect yourself in case of a break up and things get really ugly. We’re talking worst case scenario: legal action to recoup rent payments and compel a sale of the condo. Read: “Can my boyfriend claim ownership of my condo if we break up?”
Meeting the One
Having trouble finding someone to love and live with? Read a tale from our archives of an intrepid New York who posted on Craiglist that she was looking for a live-in boyfriend—and the long list of necessary qualifications, including “respect and kindness.” Check out: “Roommate/Boyfriend Wanted: One woman's bold quest to solve two eternal NYC challenges at once.”
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