Here at BrickUnderground, we have lots of first-person columns to peruse, from Farm to City--chronicling a rental rookie's adventures in NYC real estate--to My Big Fat Board Interview--where New Yorkers relate what really happens in a co-op board interview--to Transitions, first-hand accounts of cross-neighborhood moves.
For this week's SurvivalList--a thematic curation of some of our favorite posts--we draw your attention to our only slightly tongue-in-cheek NYC Real(i)ty Speak series dedicated to separating real estate spin from reality.
There are posts on decoding neighbor "niceties" in the laundry room ("Wow, that is a lot of laundry!" actually means "Which one of your kids has lice this time?") and in the elevator ("Look at her - growing up so fast!" = "I think it is disgusting that a 6-year-old has her own iPhone.").
There's also brokerspeak for sellers ("Are there any personal items that you want to remove before we start doing open houses?" = "No one wants to see the framed pictures of your three children exiting your ungroomed va-jay-jay, even if this is Park Slope.")...
...for buyers ("They had three children who all graduated from Horace Mann" = "With the right parenting, the drug deals going on in the park across the street will not have an adverse effect on your children.")...
...and open-house attendees ("The Second Avenue subway will really bring up this apartment's value!" roughly translates as "I am a sucker for getting in to a bidding war for this place in 2006, I'll go crazy if I see another rat, and the soot is starting to cloud my brain. Please buy it and put me out of my misery.)
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Renovators, meanwhile, may enjoy these examples of how to deconstruct a decorator's pronouncements (e.g. "six weeks to move-in" means "six months to move-in) and understand a contractor ("There was an unexpected condition" = "My original estimate was off by 30%.").
Enjoy these and more NYC Real(i)ty Speak columns below:
- Renovation regrets
- It's named a punch list for a reason
- Renovation neighborspeak
- Renovation lies we have known
- Decorator decorum
- 5 signs you picked the wrong paint color
- 5 signs your gut renovation has worn off
- Renovate my world
Dealing with building staff
- Good excuses for lame tippers (sort of)
- When the new people overtip the super, you kinda notice
- You know the super is on vacation when…
Buying/Selling an apartment:
- A spoonful of pre listing advice
- A tax assessor and a buyer walk into a co-op
- Translation help for fall open house season
- Closing room small talk
- Room with a view… sort of
- There must be 50 ways to leave your offer
- MORTgage means death in Latin
- No truth serum, just a nanny at the walk-thru
- Smart replies to neighborly parenting advice
- Laundry room lip service
- Neighbor favors
- What the neighbors say when your apartment is on, and on, the market
- A little elevator convo goes a long way
Parenting in NYC
- If Upper East Side public schools could talk
- Out of the mouths of babes
- Buy this place and your kid can attend Dalton too!
More funny lists (we love lists!)
- New Year's resolutions for NYers
- 5 Groupons for vertical dwellers
- 5 signs your spouse is sleeping with a "member of the household"