NYC Real(i)ty Speak: There must be 50 ways to leave your offer

You've agreed to the price and the terms, you are feverishly looking for another apartment, and you've sent out the contract but, unlike a boomerang, it is not coming back.

• The real estate agent says:  "I called their agent but she hasn't gotten back to me."Translation: "We share a desk and that bitch convinced them that one of her exclusives is a better deal."
• The lawyer says:  "My clients are busy doctors and have not had time to review it together."  Translation: "They think they found a better deal on the West Side."
• The real estate agent says:  "He is concerned about the subway noise."  Translation: "All of his work buddies are telling him he is a moron for moving to Second Avenue."
• The lawyer says:  "They had a fire at their home in Florida."  Translation: "Your all-cash offer has gone up in smoke."
• The real estate agent says:  "They are still thinking about renting, possibly in Spanish Harlem."  Translation: "They are having triplets and this apartment and neighborhood just got way too hip and expensive for them."

Veronica X. is a Canadian by birth, an Upper West Sider by nature, and an Upper East Sider by choice and circumstance. She has finally found an apartment big enough for her family, books, and shoes and is now in the process of renovating it.