The 21 best questions to ask potential roommates to get the perfect match

When I landed in New York City as a bright-eyed, budget-minded law school grad, I found myself on a slippery slope, increasingly willing to compromise on safety and other standards just to find a suitable-enough apartment. Priced out of studios, never mind one-bedroom apartments, I quickly realized I needed to find a roommate to help pay the rent.  

Now, thanks to sky-high rents and intense competition for apartments, having a roommate is even more essential to afford living here. But your journey to securing an apartment may not be easy. 

You (and your cohabitant) will have to avoid online scams, may need to secure a guarantor, and could even face bidding wars. And you probably don’t want to go through this process again anytime soon, so it’s important to find a roomie you could see yourself living with for an extended period—or at least until you can afford not to. 

"New Yorkers are living with roommates longer and farther into adulthood than ever before,” said Elien Blue Becque, founder of RoomZoom, a NYC-based roommate-finding service.

If you don’t have a college friend lined up, you could lean into one of the many roommate matchmaking websites out there (and check out Brick Underground's roundup here). Or you could find a cohabitant yourself through your social network. Whether your roommate is your best friend or a total stranger, it pays to ask lots of questions. 

“We suggest not living with a good friend since there is the potential to ruin your relationship,” Becque said. “Living with a stranger, on the other hand, gives you the potential of gaining a new friend.” 

Take it from me—I learned a few lessons the hard way. I trusted a friend’s referral not once but thrice, with mixed results: There was Dan, the channel-surfing couch potato who left pizza boxes and Chinese take-out containers strewn everywhere; Debra, the compulsive cleaner (yep, I overcompensated for Dan) who insisted on all lights and sounds off at 10 p.m., even on weekends; and Gina, who was fine for the first few months until she began bringing her boyfriend over more nights than not—and then moved out in a huff when I asked if she could maybe spend some nights at his place instead.  

Then I got smart and vetted the next person myself, ruling out five candidates before finding a suitable match. It made all the difference. She even turned the tables and asked me the same questions. Very reassuring. 

[Editor's note: An earlier version of this post was published in August 2023. We are presenting it again with new information for July 2024.]

The following is Brick Underground’s questionnaire, based on tried-and-true tips. Stick to the script so you are sure to gather all the information you need and can then make an informed and unbiased decision. And should your new roomie “pass” with flying colors, be sure to capture everything you discussed and agreed to in writing. 

1. Do you work from home? 

A “yes” answer to this question can be a boon or a bummer, depending on your perspective. If you work from home yourself, for instance, it could be a burden to not have your apartment to yourself. Or, you might welcome the company. 

Having someone in the apartment all day will increase your electric bills, and you may not like the thought of your home being used as another’s office. You may also be bothered by knowing your roomie has all that time to rifle through your belongings (and if so, you may want to find someone else). 

On the plus side, having a person who can accept deliveries and wait for the cable guy may be a benefit. People who work from home (particularly in cramped quarters) also tend to avoid claustrophobia by getting out and about when the day is done, leaving you with ample alone time in the evenings. Just be sure that their work schedule isn’t 24/7.

Ultimately, you need to ask yourself: How much will it annoy me to have my roommate home during the day? Play out that scenario in your mind before you jump to a conclusion. Now is the time to be completely honest with yourself.

2. Are you still friends with your old roommates? 

Here’s a question that’s designed to separate fact from fiction. 

Hopefully, your candidate’s answer will include at least a couple of happy tales of lasting relationships. If, however, they spew forth one disaster story after another about ex-roommates, let your inner skeptic take charge. Remember: the common denominator in those past living situations is them.

A hesitancy to discuss their past living situations can also signal trouble ahead. In that case, you may want to dig deeper, or speak to one or two former flatmates (more on that below). 

3. How will you pay for rent?

State law prohibits refusing to rent an apartment to someone based on their lawful source of income, but you can ask about your prospective roommate’s job to determine if they can afford the rent. Landlords can impose strict income requirements, and so can you. 

NYC is full of characters, like investment bankers, tech entrepreneurs, actors daylighting as baristas, dog walkers, teachers, or even—gasp—journalists. If the person is juggling multiple gigs, try to get as many details as possible. You can even ask for a letter of employment or professional references (more on that later). 

"We ask that people provide their LinkedIn on their profile; that’s a decent way to verify their job and check out their personal network,” Becque said, adding that having a few LinkedIn connections in common with your prospective roommate "is always a good sign." She said RoomZoom encourages asking those connections for a few thoughts on the candidate, too.

If your potential roommate is a grad student or an intern, you’ll want to make sure they can prove how they’ll be paying their expenses. This can be in the form of a bank statement or by having a co-signer or guarantor (including a third-party guarantor). 

This is also a good time to ask how they plan to make payments for rent and utilities. Lots of New Yorkers use Venmo or Zelle to transfer money. But to be safe, discuss how you’ll handle the situation if they can’t come up with their share of expenses.

4. What do you want in a roommate? 

If interviewing a roommate is like interviewing a candidate for a job, this question will let you determine what they are looking for, and if it matches what you want to hear. You ‘d hope to hear a thoughtful response, said Becque, who asks this question in RoomZoom’s survey.

"We do filter people out who don’t bother writing down anything or write something incoherent,” Becque said. “Hopefully, if someone is in search of a roommate, they will put in the effort to write a few thoughtful sentences about who they are and their living patterns in a co-living dynamic."

This question should elicit the person’s expectations regarding the roommate relationship. Look for a disconnect: if you want a new bestie while the other prefers to keep some distance, that could present an issue later on. Be sure to explore any lingering concerns that may have cropped up in question two. 

Use this question as well to prompt a discussion about sharing certain things (like kitchen basics and cleaning products) versus maintaining separate supplies.

5. What are your cleaning habits? 

One person’s definition of “clean” can vary drastically from the next, which is why Becque includes a few questions around this subject in her algorithm for RoomZoom. 

“We hear from our users that cleaning is the number one source of frustration between roommates,” she said.  

You’ll want to get beyond generalities, and inquire about the person’s usual cleaning routines. Do they make the bed each morning and put away the dishes every night? Which chores do they like and which ones do they loathe? (Maybe you can split the tasks accordingly.) 

Share your habits with them too. Honesty is key here: It doesn't really matter if you're messy or not; what matters is that you have similar styles. It’s also important to agree on a cleaning schedule. 

Consider asking whether your roommate would be willing to pitch in on a professional cleaning service, something RoomZoom does in their survey. This investment might be worth it for eliminating discord—not just hard to spot grime.

6. What do you like to do on the weekends?

Asking this question helps you determine if you’ll end up spending your precious free time doing something you’d rather not—like having to vacate the apartment every Sunday a.m. while your roommate hosts brunch (or feeling obligated to stay). 

Cramped city apartments often pit cohabitants together, for better or worse. If you will both be having in-home activities, it's best to work out a schedule ahead of time. 

This question also helps you learn whether the person is a homebody or the after-after party type. If it’s the former, remember that this person might leave you with little time to enjoy the apartment alone. If the latter, make sure they are respectful of others when they traipse in at all hours. 

You might also discover shared interests. Even one tiny commonality (such as cycling around the city or hitting the Brooklyn Flea) can go far in establishing a connection.

7. Do you smoke? 

Living with a smoker—be it marijuana, cigarettes or even cigars—is a deal-breaker for some, and a key question to ask if your building forbids smoking indoors. (Buildings are required to create a smoking policy under a 2018 law, and many are completely smoke-free.) 

If your candidate says they are an occasional smoker, ask how occasional. You could also add a clause to your roommate agreement stating they cannot smoke inside the apartment. Smoking is prohibited in all building common areas, so you will want to make sure your potential roommate abides by that law.

And if you smoke or vape at home, be upfront about it. Both you and your roommate deserve an honest picture of what living with the other will be like.

8. Do you have any references? 

Many landlords (and most co-op boards) require references to vouch for a renter. Becque recommends doing the same for your own apartment. 

“Certainly, if you are going to be on the hook for part of the rent, we recommend that people get references,” Becque said. 

You should seek endorsements from people who know the prospect well and for at least a year. Former roomies and landlords are your best bet, but co-workers, employers, professors, and family friends are also good sources. Get their phone numbers and emails—people tend to be more candid on the phone, but email is a good backup if your calls go unanswered. 

“While you're at it, check out your potential roommate's social media feeds,” Becque said. A little sleuthing can help you get a better handle on who you’ll be living in close quarters with.

9. What's your decorating style?

Don't underestimate the potential discord that can ensue when you pair a minimalist with a maximalist. 

While you can't control what they do on their own four walls, you will want to make sure shared areas aren't taken over by cringy collectibles—unless that’s exactly what you both want to show off. Perhaps a shared interest from question #6 could help inform your design philosophy.

10. When do you usually go to sleep? 

If you feel awkward asking this question, don’t—odds are the candidate is wondering the same thing about you. 

Ideally, you both turn in around the same time and have a similar wind-down routine. That said, having two night owls as roomies means you’ll both be vying for late-night privacy (and in a tight space). Ask yourself whether that matters. 

If someone laughs the question off as being “too nosy,” you can ask it another way: What does an average weeknight look like for that person? Does it involve falling asleep on the sofa while binge-watching Netflix? Practicing their upcoming DJ set—without headphones? Talking to a long-distance partner on the phone? 

Be prepared to be reasonable. If you simply must get your eight hours and cannot abide any noise after lights out, you may have a hard time sharing your living space at all. Look for ways to compromise—and look into a white-noise app.

11. How often do you have friends over? 

This question will uncover whether you’ll be having a steady stream of visitors during the week. 

“We find that questions like these have a pretty big bearing on the algorithm,” Becque said. “Some people never want anyone over, while others keep an open-door policy.” 

Depending on the answer and your own approach to hosting, you can go deeper to discern the frequency and the circumstances. Monthly book club meetings or the occasional dinner party are one thing, twice-weekly poker matches or nightly sleepovers with a significant other are something you need to know about in advance.

In a similar vein, you’ll want to know how many overnight guests will be in the picture. NYC is a wonderful place to visit, and hotels are expensive. Will your roommate’s family and friends want a place to stay? If so, how often? How many people and for how long at a time? Establish your boundaries before the far-flung friends arrive.

Gauge the person’s reaction to setting down clear rules on the amount of time and frequency of guests. Or see if they are open to arranging those visits when you will be away yourself. Make clear your expectations regarding common areas (especially if your roommate’s room won’t fit an air mattress). 

12. Do you have any pets?

First and foremost: you both need to comply with your building’s pet policy. While there are plenty of stories of renters (and owners) hiding cats or even dogs from their landlords, why take the risk of having to part with your beloved four-legged companion if you get caught? 

Even explicitly pet-friendly buildings may instill certain restrictions, such as the size or breed of dog or the total number of pets. Condos that permit pets may prohibit subtenants from having them.

You’ll also need to consider your specific situation. If you have pet allergies, you’ll want to either rule out pets entirely or make sure your roommate has a hypoallergenic breed. If the person already has a dog or cat, you should meet the pet too.

Lastly, be sure to delve into how that person deals with their pet-owner responsibilities. Unless they work from home, is there a dog walker during the day? Will the pet be allowed on all the furniture? What happens when your roommate leaves town? Where is the litter box going to be—and if the answer is "the bathroom," make sure you can live with that. These and other questions should be hashed out from the get-go. 

13. Can you put down a deposit? 

The whole point of having a roommate is to find someone who can help carry the load, so it pays to delve into the nitty gritty before you sign a lease together—or to rely on that person for half the rent. Asking for a security deposit is a way to ensure the person has enough funds set aside to cover any damage they may do to your digs.

(Reminder: Thanks to changes to the rent law in June 2019, landlords can no longer require more than one month’s rent as a security deposit. Landlords also cannot ask for first month’s rent, last month's rent, and a security deposit when you move in. They can only ask for two of those payments.)

14. What is your workday routine? 

Having different work hours can save a lot of headaches, giving you and your roommate much-needed alone time in the apartment. Some apartment-sharers will often end up never even seeing their roommate beyond the occasional hello and goodbye. 

In other words, if you are a nine-to-fiver, you might want to consider shacking up with someone who works the late shift—think chefs, actors, musicians, or security guards. (But not if you are squeamish about having them alone with your stuff for hours on end.)

When your work schedules coincide, however, it is helpful to ask what time the person wakes up and leaves for work. You’ll also want to find out what their morning routine looks like so you’re not competing for the toaster oven or shower. It’s not always possible due to budget constraints to have your own bathroom, so avoiding morning conflicts is important.

Compromise will be inevitable here. If your new roommate admits to hogging the bathroom, consider altering your own habits. Or see if the person is amenable to setting strict time limits on bathroom use, or to taking turns (you get odd days, they have even days). 

15. Are you in a romantic relationship? 

Living with a couple is generally a hassle—three people crammed into two bedrooms can be way too close for comfort, plus there's the potential to feel like a third wheel in your own living room. The same goes for a roommate whose significant other stays over constantly, which raises a whole other set of issues. All of a sudden you've signed on for more mess and less privacy, without the benefit of an additional savings on rent. 

What’s more, you're basically signing on for a third roommate you've never met, which is never a good idea. If you are open to sharing your space with the person (and their plus-one), make sure you meet them both. That meeting will also give you insight into their dynamic; if they bicker during this first impression, you can imagine their behavior once they’ve settled in. On the flip side, a partner takes the pressure off of you to be your roomie’s at-home pal. 

If you prefer not to sign on to this situation, be cautious about a potential roommate who says they are in a serious relationship with someone who lives in another borough or who shares a bedroom in their own apartment, such as in a co-living building. In that case, you should expect some sleepovers.

16. How often do you cook? 

Dinner time (like bathroom time) can be a huge stress point in a shared apartment.

If both you and your roommate love whipping up your own meals, it may be difficult to avoid stepping on each other’s toes. Find out what and when they cook, too—like fish at 10 p.m. or popcorn at midnight—that may be a non-starter.

Don’t forget to ask about their shopping habits, so you can make sure there’s enough space in the refrigerator and cupboards for your own provisions. You might also want to agree on divvying up the cost of staples since it’s often more economical to buy food in larger quantities. Just be sure whoever finishes anything replenishes it to avoid discovering you’re out of butter in the middle of a baking spree. 

But, if you are the type to order in and/or eat out, sharing your kitchen might be a piece of cake. If your potential roomie is an aspiring chef, that could be a fortuitous match as well. They get to test out their recipes, you get to try the food. You might even pick up a trick or two. 

17. How often do you drink at home?

Whether you're a teetotaler or a devotee of Sangria Saturdays, you'll want to make sure your flatmate is on the same wavelength. You don’t have to have a total meeting of the minds on this point (or be puritanical about it), but it is important that you both mesh.

A heavy drinker might create problems if the person ends up dragging home a stranger, or could put the person’s ability to hold down a job, and therefore fulfill their financial obligations, into doubt.

That said, if you both agree that “it’s always 5 o’clock somewhere,” you’ll want to set boundaries around what’s yours, theirs, and “ours.”

18. How long do you plan to stay? 

Before you ask this question, make sure you know what you are looking for in a roommate. If you are tired of churning through a different person every year, you will need to communicate your desire for a more stable and secure long-term arrangement at the outset. 

You'll also want to weed out students and interns and others who may only be in NYC for an indefinite time, along with anyone whose answer is “I’m not sure.” 

Even if you are open to sharing your apartment on a short-term basis, you’ll want to put the agreed-upon end date in writing, and provide for a penalty should the person have to move out before then (such as forfeiting the security deposit) to ensure you can afford to keep your place.

19. What are some challenges you've faced in past living situations? 

Bed bugs, rodent infestations, lack of heat or hot water, noisy neighbors, and negligent landlords are pretty typical experiences for the NYC apartment dweller, so it’s no cause for concern if someone mentions any or all of the above.

What is telling is how they say they handled these hurdles, which can enlighten you on whether you’re dealing with someone who can get things done, and in the right way. Watch out for anyone who says they were quick to get belligerent with management, or if they let their former roommate resolve all the problems—unless that’s your preference. 

20. What are your pet peeves?

We all have pet peeves, so why not find out what they are from the start rather than after you’ve done something annoying—and vice versa? It's good to know what can irritate someone when sharing a confined space every day.

Be on the lookout for anyone who has a lengthy list. The last thing you need is to tiptoe around a persnickety roommate in your own home. But consider the particular gripes carefully, too, as there may be some (like listening to NPR in the morning or eating peanuts) that you may be able to accommodate. 

21. Anything else I should know? 

Don’t underestimate the “reveal” element of an end-of-interview, open-ended, catch-all inquiry. You just might discover a fact that did not come out from direct solicitation, such as how the person is learning to play the trumpet or loves playing League of Legends into the wee hours. 

Let the interviewee take the lead—and their personality, and all its quirks, come through loud and clear. Be wary of anyone who has nothing to offer here; you’ll want a roommate who is as engaged in this process as you are. 

As Becque puts it, “Given the opportunity, people will tell you who they are. They say certain things and in a certain way. That transparency can cut both ways.” Make sure you are listening.

—Earlier versions of this article contained reporting and writing by Lucy Cohen Blatter, and Donna M. Airoldi. This story was updated in July 2024 by Celia Young.

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