10 Things Your Building Should Have (But Doesn't)

Talk all you want about screening rooms, pet spas and landscaped roof decks....what your building really needs is...

1. An elevator that changes shape, size and speed according to your needs  (expanding to accommodate your Target haul; shrinking enough to prevent your stinky neighbor on 7 from climbing aboard; speeding up when your dog or 5-year-old has to pee).
2. Zoning for Scarsdale schools: Kids commute so you don't have to!
3. An alteration agreement that actually allows you to 'alter' the apartment in significant, meaningful ways ("Wherefore art thou Central A/C?"). 
4. A Starbucks/Pinkberry/diner that gives residents unlimited free food/coffee in exchange a break on their rent.
5. One free Saturday babysitting (one sitter per floor with video monitor on each sleeping child) included with the maintenance or rent.
6. Electric fences at doorways and elevators to prevent being jumped by a neighbor's dog
7. Doormen handing out 10 minute neck massages with your drycleaning.
8. Supers who are super-nannies too--curing pacifer habits and snaking the drains when one gets caught down there.
9. Concierges to handle the stuff that really matters: Phone calls for nursery school applications, contesting your parking tickets, fumigating your luggage for bed bugs every time you come back for a trip. 
10. A WiFi booth in a remote corner of the basement with fully stocked bar, where you can escape from children while pretending to do laundry.

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