Talk all you want about screening rooms, pet spas and landscaped roof decks....what your building really needs is...
- An elevator that changes shape, size and speed according to your needs (expanding to accommodate your Target haul; shrinking enough to prevent your stinky neighbor on 7 from climbing aboard; speeding up when your dog or 5-year-old has to pee).
- Zoning for Scarsdale schools: Kids commute so you don't have to!
- An alteration agreement that actually allows you to 'alter' the apartment in significant, meaningful ways ("Wherefore art thou Central A/C?").
- A Starbucks/Pinkberry/diner that gives residents unlimited free food/coffee in exchange a break on their rent.
- One free Saturday babysitting (one sitter per floor with video monitor on each sleeping child) included with the maintenance or rent.
- Electric fences at doorways and elevators to prevent being jumped by a neighbor's dog
- Doormen handing out 10 minute neck massages with your drycleaning.
- Supers who are super-nannies too--curing pacifer habits and snaking the drains when one gets caught down there.
- Concierges to handle the stuff that really matters: Phone calls for nursery school applications, contesting your parking tickets, fumigating your luggage for bed bugs every time you come back for a trip.
- A WiFi booth in a remote corner of the basement with fully stocked bar, where you can escape from children while pretending to do laundry.
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