In honor of the season premiere of Inside Amy Schumer on April 21st—and also, as an opportunity to humblebrag that we knew her when—we're unearthing some of our favorite Schumer material from the archives. Back in 2011, a pre-Comedy Central Schumer wrote an essay for us about her building's vodka-swilling "doorman," and did a Q&A about her long, strange apartment history. Below, a few highlights.
On her unofficial arrangement with her building's unofficial "doorman," William:
Whether he was laying in or around our door, he never really bothered anybody. We shared a few laughs--I'm not sure what about. He would just babble incoherently and I would giggle along with him. He usually made me smile.
Once in awhile I would buy him his favorite vodka from the liquor store around the corner. Georgio vodka. It was the cheapest one the store had, but I think he liked it because it came in a plastic bottle and he could drink it until he fell over without the chance of it shattering.
On William's surprise reappearance after the local liquor store clerks mistakenly told her that he'd passed away:
A few months went by and I was walking across Washington Square Park rushing to my new job and out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw William on a doorstep of a fancy building.
I felt sad, then I felt racist because I had confused some random black dude with him. While I was judging myself I got a closer look. IT WAS HIM.
I rushed over.
"William!" I said, "You're alive!"
He looked up at me having no idea who or what I was and mumbled something about Jews and started to giggle and I of course joined him.
I don't know why the liquor store guy told me that he died. But he hadn't. He just moved!
On her first New York apartment:
I moved to NYC to become an actress in 2003 when I graduated from college. I found a small studio for the monthly rent of $1,275 in Chinatown via Craigslist where I dealt with a shady broker—again with my habit of gravitating towards abusive relationships—who tried to give me advice on how to hack it in this city. I thought I could afford the place but soon had to get a roommate — in a STUDIO. I placed an ad on Craigslist and found a student from Ohio willing to pay for half the rent to sleep on a loft bed. Luckily she was great and we’d sit around watching Sex and the City. Neither of us had much of a social life as bringing someone home was really tricky.
On teaming up with her boyfriend's roommate's girlfriend to kick the two dudes out of the apartment and keep the place for themselves:
In the meantime my boyfriend’s roommate also moved his girlfriend in and she and I ended up orchestrating a coup after we decided we wanted to break up with our boyfriends. We wanted the apartment for ourselves. It took massive finagling to get our boyfriends out of it so we could take over their lease. I convinced my boyfriend that if he wanted to work on our relationship he’d have to move in with his mother and give me some space. I really just wanted the apartment and was victorious!
On the perils of cohabiting (and her dreamy UWS studio):
Finally I ended up where I live today in a studio on the Upper West Side. [Editor's note: She has since moved to Chelsea, apparently.] I found it through a broker and truly love it. It has a backyard and is close to the water as well as the park, which is great for bike riding. I’ve been here for two and a half years and for a while had my comedian boyfriend move in with me, but sharing a studio is a bad idea. We broke up for a month just because of that and we are now happily together living separately. I don’t think I ever want to share an apartment with anyone again, although it would be nice if he lived upstairs.
Read the rest of her essay here, her Q&A here, and check out one of our all-time favorite clips from her show, below. This one goes out to anyone who's ever been through the hell of a call to Time Warner Cable (so, everyone, right?):
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I had a thing for my doorman. Usually, it was vodka
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