Dear Ms. Demeanor: How do I get my new neighbors to like me?

By Jamie Lauren Sutton | August 30, 2013 - 12:55PM

Dear Ms. Demeanor,

I just moved into a co-op for the first time (I'm a lifelong renter). Now that I'm setting down roots, I'd love to be have a friendlier relationship with my neighbors. Any suggestions on how to break the ice?

Sincerely,

Co-op Virgin

Dear Co-op Virgin,

Congratulations! It really depends on the vibe of the building -- is it icy cool or kibbutz-like? Either way, giving a calling card of sorts (names of all family members, email addresses, home/work/cell numbers) to next door neighbors, super, head doorman, and co-op board president is a lovely and wise gesture.

Beyond that, if anyone brings over a gift or invites you for coffee or a glass of wine, be sure to thank and/or reciprocate within a few days. If the invite is offered far enough in advance, bring something to nibble on.

For those on the other side of the welcome mat, I'd recommend they make their new neighbor feel at home with the aforementioned invite or even by bringing over a basket of fruit, a plant, or flowers (avoid wine, cakes or cookies, as one never knows if alcohol or gluten is verboten in a home) and a welcome note with your contact information. This is both warm and generous without being too aggressive. Your neighbor can take it, or leave it, from there.

Wave to the welcome wagon for me,

Ms. Demeanor

Ms. Demeanor is channeled by a longtime Manhattan vertical dweller and real-estate voyeur who writes under the pen name Jamie Lauren Sutton. She is here to commiserate, calm and correct. Please email your quandaries to [email protected] and put "Dear Ms. Demeanor" in the subject line.

See all of Ms. Demeanor's advice here

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