NYC Real(i)ty Speak: How to read a topiary

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Even before you set foot in the lobby, take a moment to read the topiary leaves--or whatever plantings are or are not on display in front of the building....

• Sculpture and topiaries = You can't pass the co-op board without a net worth equal to the GDP of a medium-sized South American country
• Iron work that entirely encase impatiens with a sign 'Save our flowers and curb your dog' = Head of house committee is a cat-lover who loathes the canine class.
• Rotating seasonal flowers = Maintenance over $2.50/square foot 
• Stones around a tree bed = Dog-loving environmentalists who know that too few people actually curb their dogs
• Dirt: = No money in reserve fund

Veronica X. is a Canadian by birth, an Upper West Sider by nature, and an Upper East Sider by choice and circumstance. She has finally found an apartment big enough for her family, books, and shoes and is now in the process of renovating it.