They give you a quiet nod, a polite smile and then they ask for... a kidney? You wish.
- "We are having a party on Friday night. Let us know if it gets too loud." Translation: "Earplugs, Ambien and Nyquil might be your best option if you are planning to sleep."
- "Tristan and I are going away for the weekend. Would you mind looking in on Clover and Daisy?" Translation: "Hopefully you are not allergic to cats and are ready to be scratched and bitten. Also they eat three individually prepared meals a day. The instructions are on the refrigerator."
- "Can you watch Mitchell for a moment? I am having some problems with Madeline." Translation: "Mitch just tried to kick the crap out of Madie. We are going upstairs to watch Dora in peace and you can deal with the little sh**."
- "I heard you have done lots of work to the apartment. I would love to see what you have done with the space. Did you like your contractor?" Translation: "We live in the same line and just because you paid an architect doesn't mean I have to!"
- "We are having a shiva and are overloaded with food. Please take this extra tray - we have no more room and I thought your daughters would enjoy it." Translation: "I am hoping the sweaty cut-up melon will keep your kids in the house and out of our end of the hallway for a week and put the daily 6th floor Olympic trials on hold!"
Veronica X. is a Canadian by birth, an Upper West Sider by nature, and an Upper East Sider by choice and circumstance. She has finally found an apartment big enough for her family, books, and shoes and is now in the process of renovating it.
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