You've hit the big time in the Big Apple, baby. You finally get those doorman jokes on the Jeffersons, but perhaps you're a bit confused lately by certain remarks directed your way by those who make your vertical universe go round? Allow us....
- Your cleaning lady says, "Mr. S, my friend Paola is so so so happy. Her boss gave her a plane ticket to Peru for Christmas!" Translation: "12/18 American Airlines Flight 505 JFK to Port of Spain departs 6:55 am"
- Your garage attendant says, "Why don't I put a little air your tires?" Translation: "You forgot me last year at Christmas and if you do it again I will shove your minivan into a compact space on sub-basement 4."
- Your mailman says: "There was a package waiting for you at the post office but I thought I would deliver it personally." Translation: "I am addicted to Chai Lattes at Starbucks and can't afford them without those nice fat gift cards."
- Your doorman says, "You're getting so many packages Mrs. M. Let me help you with those." Translation: "Lady, I sure hope that you didn't spend all your money at www.Bloomie’s, 'cause I am waiting for my envelope and I know what your kids look like."
- Your kid’s tutor says, "I know Isabella is really struggling with French but my schedule is getting very tight lately." Translation: "If you weren't so tight you might get me a Barney’s gift card like the Parkers!"
Veronica X. is a Canadian by birth, an Upper West Sider by nature, and an Upper East Sider by choice and circumstance. She has finally found an apartment big enough for her family, books, and shoes and is now in the process of renovating it.