A Doorman Speaks: A door jockey's New Year's resolutions

By Openthedoor-man  | January 3, 2011 - 6:47AM

And so another year is in the books. An interesting one at that.

First off, I was given this fabulous opportunity by the Brick to unabashedly express myself in my role of doorman as I detailed all kinds of different scenarios and topics associated with the job.

In fact, it seems like only yesterday that I decided to call myself Openthedoor-man and post a comment regarding another doorman, one who was Twittering up-to-the-minute happenings right from his lobby.

(Ballsy, if you ask me. A move that may have lost him his job or gotten him gagged by a resident, board member, coworker, or managing agent.)

And yet, I continue trudging forward. Still pushing my memoir on any and every literary agent in the city, some in other cities, perhaps also ballsy on my part.

As I look forward to another year of manning the door and writing about it, I came up with my very own resolutions for 2011.

1. Get picked up by a literary agent.

It WILL happen.

2. Try and offer some kind of olive branch towards any resident/s that I don’t see eye to eye with.

In fact, all doormen should try this with any person they have been on disagreeing terms with. We’ll wipe the slate totally clean, or at least until that person walks in the door without saying a small “Thank you", or cause us to suffer some kind of spine curvature from lifting a heavy object, or forget to give us a tip during the year for some extra favor, or even the holiday tip at the end of the year.

3. I’ve touched upon some interesting topics and will continue to press a few buttons.

Wait for the piece on “Flirting".

4. Rap this column.

I once wanted to be a rapper. Diamonds in my mouth, around my neck, wrist, ears and fingers. Perhaps wind up on TMZ for my controversial next album or the picture of my (fill in the blank) floating around the Internet. It never materialized, but I may just offer a post in the form of a rap song this year. But you’ll have to wait for the pic of my (fill in the blank) until my book gets picked up.

5. It was a nice success, so yes, another poetry slam?

6. No mercy

No one is spared this year including house cleaners, contractors, dog walkers, neighborhood bottle collectors, supers and handymen. 

7. I will touch a few lives this year. Or at least some people will be able to touch themselves...

 ...when they receive an autographed pair of white gloves by me. I just put in an order. I’ve always had an affinity for movies of all kinds, therefore in my future posts I will somehow intertwine some kind of famous line from a film with my post. The first person to drop me an email with the correct movie, wins the pair of autographed gloves.

8. I will try to form some kind of group that supports the idea of having doormen from all buildings being allowed to have Christmas day off at least.

 Lord knows that I have worked my share of holidays and it really kind of sucks. I don’t know how this will fly or if it even stands an outside chance but it’s worth a shot. Yes, the overtime is great and maybe working for someone else can net you some more money, but I think everyone is entitled to enjoy at least one major holiday. 

9. Get heard.

Annual shareholder meetings come and go but us doormen never have a say on what goes on in a building. I think staff guys should be able to drop an idea, complaint or two into a suggestion box. “Why we think that rook deck is a bad idea, and the pool, and the new gym, etc..” We should have the right to voice our opinions. I’m resolving to try and make that happen.

Happy New Year, and get ready for an interesting “A Doorman Speaks" for 2011.


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