NYC Real(i)ty Speak: Excerpts from the holiday party at your new building

So your fabulous new building has a fabulous holiday party (!). It's your chance to meet and greet your new neighbors, set up in-building playdates, find out who the best handyman is, and maybe make some new friends. Or not.

• "Hello.  My name is (insert name here).  Our children go to (insert elite private school here).  Where do you children go to school?"  Answer: "(insert child's school)"  Reply: "Oh."
• "I am your next-door neighbor.  Do you have a dog?  I thought I heard barking.  I hope you are not planning on doing any renovation."
• "I had chronic diarrhea for five years."
• "I am Suzy Suzerton and I live in 3C and I am an single.  Do you know anyone?"
• "There are a lot of nut-jobs in this building."

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Veronica X. is a Canadian by birth, an Upper West Sider by nature, and an Upper East Sider by choice and circumstance. She has finally found an apartment big enough for her family, books, and shoes and is now in the process of renovating it.

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