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This week we introduce "Veronica X.," a real-life Manhattan apartment hunter whose "NYC Real(i)ty Speak" glossary--which began as Facebook status-updates to her friends--will appear here each week.
Herewith, the first installment of Veronica's guide to broker-speak:
- Family-friendly: Walls so thin you will know when your neighbors' kids are being Ferberized or put in time out
- Make it your own: It's a freakin' dump
- Spacious and bright: Bedrooms are closets with south-facing windows and the place is always 100 degrees
- Incredible amenities: Monthly charges will ruin you
- Triple mint renovation: Dark green marble bathrooms circa 1980s Dynasty-style
- White-glove building: The apartments are big and cheap but you need 50 mil liquid assets to pass the board
- No board approval: Board approval
"Veronica X." is a Canadian by birth, an Upper West Sider by nature, and an Upper East Sider by choice and circumstance. She is presently looking to buy an apartment big enough for her family, her books, and her shoes - not necessarily in that order.