Ms. Demeanor's Vertical Etiquette

Dear Ms. Demeanor: I'm embarrassed to see my neighbors after a loud fight with my spouse. What can I do?

By Dianne Ackerman  | January 4, 2019 - 9:00AM


I am embarrassed to run into my neighbors after my spouse and I have had a huge, screaming fight. What do you recommend? Signed, Red-faced Shareholder

Dear Red Face,

You could either send a bill to your neighbors for entertaining them or stop fighting with your spouse. You could also move to Idaho—the houses there are miles apart and nobody will hear anything.

Seriously, everyone fights with their spouse, especially in New York City. Unless you are really hurting each other, nobody will even bother to call the cops or knock on your door. You could always insulate your walls—or just walk with you head held high as if nothing ever happened. People really don't care all that much about you and/or your marriage. I cannot imagine that you are the only people in your building who have loud arguments. 

However, you should do your best to have them after 9:00 AM or before 10:00 PM. Those are the times that daytime noise is allowed and most people are not at home. Early morning and late evening are not the time for excessive noise. That is when people may legitimately complain.

And under no circumstances should you send videos of the make-up sex.

Ms. Demeanor

Dianne Ackerman is the new voice of reason behind Ms. Demeanor. She has lived in her Upper East Side co-op for the past 20 years and is the vice president of her co-op board. She is filled with opinions that she gladly shares with all who ask—and some who do not. Have something that needs sorting out? Drop her an email.

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