NYC Real(i)ty Speak

NYC Real(i)ty Speak: Some translation help for fall open house season

By Veronica X.  | September 23, 2011 - 1:06PM

Fall in NYC is second only to spring when it comes to buying - and marketing -apartments. Listen closely to decipher the truth behind the hype:

  • The Second Avenue subway will really bring up this apartment's value! Translation: I am a sucker for getting in to a bidding war for this place in 2006, I'll go crazy if I see another rat, and the soot is starting to cloud my brain. Please buy it and put me out of my misery.
  • This building is zoned for great schools! Translation: So many people are waitlisted for public school that there will be a mass exodus to Westchester as soon as these people's mortgages are no longer under water.
  • Very solid, traditional place with historically stable financials. Translation: This place is such a snoozer I can't think of anything interesting to say. Expect lots of country club talk, social security gripes, and requests to turn the noise down at 7pm. Don't be surprised when your neighbor shows up at your doorstep at 1am looking for drugs to relieve the pain from his kidney stones.
  • This won't last! Translation: My marriage will not survive living with 3 kids in a studio for one more second.
  • If I were looking, this is the place I'd buy! Translation: It's almost the end of the quarter and I'm going to lose my commission and my HBO subscription if you don't buy something soon!

Veronica X. is a Canadian by birth, an Upper West Sider by nature, and an Upper East Sider by choice and circumstance. She has finally found an apartment big enough for her family, books, and shoes and is now in the process of renovating it.

See all NYC Real(i)ty Speak

More translation advice from Real(i)ty Speak...

Room with a view...sort of

Lofty aspirations for the ground floor

It's an apartment, not the Sistine Chapel

"Perfect for Pets" = "Sorry, no pets allowed'

Open house, poker faces


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