Besides needing a gut renovation, estate-condition apartments have little else in common with a basic NYC sh*thole apartment. The latter only look like someone died there. Here's how to tell the difference:

Estate: Herringbone floors with loose pieces of wood

Sh*thole: Parquet floors with loose pieces of wood

Estate: Cracked marble foyer

Sh*thole: Linoleum foyer

Estate:  Former owner is recently deceased

Sh*thole: Former owner is recently incarcerated

Estate:  Peeling flocked wallpaper

Sh*thole: Peeling lead paint

Estate:  Egg and dart molding

Sh*thole: Popcorn ceiling

Veronica X. is a Canadian by birth, an Upper West Sider by nature, and an Upper East Sider by choice and circumstance. She has finally found an apartment big enough for her family, books, and shoes and is now in the process of renovating it.