NYC Real(i)ty Speak: Personal ads for apartments

It's been a tough few years for Manhattan apartments languishing on the market for months.  No longer content to sit idly by and let Yenta-the-real-estate-broker find them the perfect match, they are taking matters into their own hands...

• NoLita studio is looking for a semi-committed relationship with a bi-curious actress/model and her cat.
• Palatial 12 rooms on Park Avenue in estate condition longs for the personal touch of an established hedge fund star and his new trophy wife/former decorator.
• Three-bedroom condo on Third Avenue will provide safe refuge for hedge fund star's starter wife and children.
• Gramercy Park co-op will bestow keys to the Kingdom (aka Gramercy Park) on confirmed bachelor ex-pat British laywer.
• Recently-renovated classic six on West End Avenue seeks young family to enjoy long bikes rides in Riverside Park, good smoked fish, and sensible shoes.

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Priceup to $500,000up to $750,000up to $1,000,000up to $1,250,000up to $1,500,000up to $2,000,000up to $3,000,000up to $5,000,000up to $6,000,000up to $7,000,000up to $8,000,000no maximum

Bedroomsstudios or at least 1 bedroomat least 1 bedroomat least 2 bedroomsat least 3 bedroomsat least 4 bedrooms5 or more bedrooms

Bathroomsat least 1 bathroomat least 1.5 bathroomsat least 2 bathroomsat least 2.5 bathroomsat least 3 bathroomsat least 3.5 bathrooms4 or more bathrooms

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Veronica X. is a Canadian by birth, an Upper West Sider by nature, and an Upper East Sider by choice and circumstance. She has finally found an apartment big enough for her family, books, and shoes and is now in the process of renovating it.