NYC Real(i)ty Speak: It's an apartment, not the Sistine Chapel

Work of art or just an apartment??? With all due respect to the true art of architecture, some real estate listings strain to make that junior-4 sound like the Sistine Chapel...

• "Deceptively simple" Translation: No walls, including around the toilet
• "Soaring ceilings" Translation:  Unless you are as tall as Shaq, you will need ladders in the kitchen/closets etc. to reach half your stuff
• "Sleek, modern facade" Translation: You can't open any windows
• "Hand-made tile" Translation: When it cracks a year in, good luck finding a replacement.
• "Landmark townhouse" Translation: Money pit (RUN!)

Find Your Next Home

NeighborhoodCentral HarlemEast HarlemHamilton HeightsHarlemHudson HeightsInwoodManhattan ValleyMorningside HeightsMt Morris ParkSugar HillWashington HeightsWest HarlemUpper West SideUpper East SideUpper ManhattanMidtown WestMidtown EastDowntownBattery Park CityCentral VillageChelseaChinatownCivic CenterEast VillageFinancial DistrictFlatironGramercy ParkGreenwich VillageLittle ItalyLower East SideLower ManhattanMurray Hill Kips BayNohoNomadSohoTribecaUnion SquareWest 30SWest VillageBrooklynBay RidgeBedford StuyvesantBensonhurstBoerum HillBrooklynBrooklyn HeightsBushwickCanarsieCarroll GardensClinton HillCobble HillColumbia Street WdCrown HeightsDitmas ParkDowntown BrooklynDumboDyker HeightsEast FlatbushEast New YorkEast WilliamsburgFlatbushFlatlandsFort GreeneGowanusGreenpointGreenwoodManhattan BeachMidwoodPark SlopeProspect HeightsProspect LeffertsProspect Park SouthProspect-Lefferts GRed HookRedhookSeagateSheepshead BaySouth SlopeSunset ParkVinegar HillWeeksvilleWilliamsburgWilliamsburg N SideWindsor TerraceQueensAstoriaBelle HarborBriarwoodCoronaElmhurstFar RockawayFlushingForest HillsForest Hills GardenForest Hills GardensHoward BeachHunters PointJackson HeightsKew GardensLong Island CityRego ParkSunnysideBronxBedford ParkBronxdaleConcourseConcourse VillageFieldstonFordhamHigh BridgeKingsbridgeMarble HillMorrisaniaMott HavenNorth RiverdaleNorwoodRiverdaleSoundviewSouth RiverdaleSpuyten DuyvilUniversity HeightsWestchester SquareLocust ValleyLong BeachUpper Brookville

Priceup to $500,000up to $750,000up to $1,000,000up to $1,250,000up to $1,500,000up to $2,000,000up to $3,000,000up to $5,000,000up to $6,000,000up to $7,000,000up to $8,000,000no maximum

Bedroomsstudios or at least 1 bedroomat least 1 bedroomat least 2 bedroomsat least 3 bedroomsat least 4 bedrooms5 or more bedrooms

Bathroomsat least 1 bathroomat least 1.5 bathroomsat least 2 bathroomsat least 2.5 bathroomsat least 3 bathroomsat least 3.5 bathrooms4 or more bathrooms

Search

Presented by 

Veronica X. is a Canadian by birth, an Upper West Sider by nature, and an Upper East Sider by choice and circumstance. She is presently looking to buy an apartment big enough for her family, her books, and her shoes - not necessarily in that order.

See all NYC Real(i)ty Speaks.