NYC Real(i)ty Speak

NYC Real(i)ty Speak: It's an apartment, not the Sistine Chapel

By Veronica X.  | October 15, 2010 - 1:51PM

Work of art or just an apartment??? With all due respect to the true art of architecture, some real estate listings strain to make that junior-4 sound like the Sistine Chapel...

  • "Deceptively simple" Translation: No walls, including around the toilet
  • "Soaring ceilings" Translation:  Unless you are as tall as Shaq, you will need ladders in the kitchen/closets etc. to reach half your stuff
  • "Sleek, modern facade" Translation: You can't open any windows
  • "Hand-made tile" Translation: When it cracks a year in, good luck finding a replacement.
  • "Landmark townhouse" Translation: Money pit (RUN!)

Veronica X. is a Canadian by birth, an Upper West Sider by nature, and an Upper East Sider by choice and circumstance. She is presently looking to buy an apartment big enough for her family, her books, and her shoes - not necessarily in that order.

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