While the search for the right decorator is not quite as desperate as finding the right New York City apartment, it is mined with a doublespeak all its own.
Below, a custom tour for the uninitiated, excerpted from actual interviews with decorators.
- "I don't do a piece of furniture here and there - I do room concepts." Translation: "I believe that this job, and you, are beneath me."
- "Well, Melania just LOVED what I did in the living spaces so much that she gave me carte blanche in the nursery." Translation: "If my famous clients trust my taste, I definitely don't care about your opinion."
- "The pillows are around $150.00." Translation: "The pillows are $450.00 plus my 30% on top."
- "I am assuming if you are hiring a decorator that you are not planning to use Crate and Barrel furniture." Translation: "That Crate and Barrel hutch your living room is the most hideous thing I have ever seen."
- "I am very obsessive about the budget so I end up with a lot of Jewish clients because they are so careful with their money." - No translation necessary; no job either.
"Veronica X." is a Canadian by birth, an Upper West Sider by nature, and an Upper East Sider by choice and circumstance. She is presently looking to buy an apartment big enough for her family, her books, and her shoes - not necessarily in that order.
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