Housewarming gifts for urban-suburban neophytes

By Veronica X.  | August 20, 2010 - 7:10AM
bed bug present.jpg

City or suburbs, you don't know it until you've lived it...and you don't know what you need until it's too late.  At which point the right housewarming gift can make all the difference.

Welcome to the city:

  1. Bread, salt, and wine - not because of the tradition but because it is all they will have to eat once they close and are 'apartment-poor'
  2. Glue traps and the number of a good exterminator who specializes in bed bugs.
  3. Kid swing you can attach to a doorframe for those rainy and cold days when the park isn't an option
  4. White noise machine to block out sirens, horns, and horny drunk people
  5. Subscription to New York Magazine so they can keep up with all the fun activites in the City

Welcome to the 'burbs:

  1. Sump-pump and back-up generator
  2. Snow tires, a shovel, and the DVD of every movie Disney ever made for when the former two are not enough to get them out of the house during a snow storm and they are stuck inside with their nearest and loudest 
  3. First-aid kit to deal with all backyard-related injuries from the swing set, trampoline, etc. and the number of a good insurance agent in case the neighbors' kids hurt themselves on any of the aforementioned equipment
  4. White noise machine to block out woodpeckers, lawnmowers, and the teenagers next-door who play basketball on the driveway at all hours 
  5. Subscription to New York Magazine so they can keep up with all the fun activities in the City

"Veronica X." is a Canadian by birth, an Upper West Sider by nature, and an Upper East Sider by choice and circumstance. She writes the N.Y.C. Real(i)ty Speak column and the only thing she doesn't like about her adopted city is how many people leave it.

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