Yes, ma’am, the doorman IS judging you

By Openthedoor-man  | June 21, 2010 - 6:55AM

I hate to admit it, but we doormen can be more critical and judgmental of women than we are of our bros’. Call it a double standard, battle of the sexes, or simply the laws of attraction.

We don’t go out of our way to behave in this manner, it just happens.

Here’s a look through our eyes:

1. Appearances- The staff sees women at their best and worst. We convene on who is looking up to par, who looks a mess when drunk or early in the morning, plus who’s losing too much weight, just the right amount of weight, or really needs to lose a damn lot of weight.

2. Morals- When a single man entertains a lot of different women, we want to know what his secret is. If a woman acts this way, she is considered to be easy, bad at making right relationship decisions, a pain in the ass to be with…or an example of the fact that men in general are intimidated that she makes a whole lot more bank than they do.

3. Bad tipping habits - A higher percentage of women tend to give lousy tips for favors done, or any at all. Therefore, staff will usually have this person wait a little longer to resolve an issue in their apartment. Bad tipping may stem from thinking that by acting cute or simply because they are, things will instantly get done for them. Or perhaps women are less inclined to tip because they really don’t have a clue.

(Married women get a pass on this one because the husband is looked upon to take care of whomever has visited an apartment. Odds are when certain jobs are performed, the husband will ultimately square things off with the worker. Although, it really is up to the person doing the job to sometimes keep up with both parties because sometimes MEN even forget.)

*The younger generation of power “it” girls seem to have a clue as to how to get things done: They do it themselves or they shell out for jobs done.

4. Complaints- This one is mostly reserved for the older single women, 50+, who try to find anything to fill out their day. They find faults in their neighbors or staff, or complain about other things--like too many deliveries on the floor, stuff not getting done in the building, Obama, and life in general. (These women are not that alone in the complaint department. Some gay men do their share of whining as well.)

5. Hot or not: When the staff engages in our usual locker-room talk, bragging about sexual conquests etc.,, we also talk about which of the women in the building we could imagine hooking up with, married or not.

Am I proud of all of this?

No, I’m not. I am just human, susceptible to peer pressure, prone to stereotyping people and sometimes behaving and thinking like a d---k!

For that, I apologize.

And ladies, when everything is said and done, or in our case thought about, the bottom line is really this: As much smack as us staff guys talk, we fear you. Okay, some of you. Alright fine, a pretty big portion of you.

I'm talking about the smart and meticulous women who do their dirt away from the building, kiss their date goodnight out of eyeshot from us on the corner somewhere, dress nice, keep complaints to a minimum, take matters into their own hands, and keep short leashes on their men.

With these women, smack talk is a way to even things up, be men (!) and prove who really runs the show.


Related posts from Openthedoor-man: 

Ladies, feel free to stretch out in front the building. We doormen really don't mind.

Co-op men weirdly helpless at home

I'm your doorman, not your bodyguard

See all Doorman Speaks' columns here.

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