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You may pride yourself on your Wikipedia-like knowledge of the best/worst rooftop bars and smartest/dumbest places to hail a taxi at rush hour, but you're not really a New Yorker until you pass through the Five Stages of Real Estate Grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance)...and the following NYC real estate truths no longer shock you:
- You may be an adult with no curfew, but your doorman will always judge you for coming home late/drunk/both.
- The super expects a holiday tip even though you haven't seen him since last Christmas and Task Rabbited your clogged sink last week.
- The neighbors you can see walking around naked in their apartment are rarely the ones you want to see naked. Ditto the ones you can hear having sex.
- Coming out of the closet means expanding your storage space to the basement of your building, a rented locker, your mother-in-law's house, your car, and/or your desk at work.
- The seller accepted your best-and-final bid and sent a contract to you...and to two other buyers whose bids were also accepted. Meanwhile, the seller's lawyer is lying to you all.
- Mice. You will have them at least once in your New York lifetime; get over it. Similarly, water bugs (aka massive roaches). Put on your slippers or stilettos, stomp, and move on.
- The fact that two or more of your children may very well live in a room that may not be an actual room as you were raised to understand such things, but a dining nook with a temporary wall.
- The "one in, one out" rule.
- Even though your landlord was going to paint your apartment anyway, it will come out of your security deposit if you leave the walls any other color than hospital white.
- A 325-square-foot studio is accurately described as "spacious."
- HGTV shows featuring mansions with lazy rivers in the backyard that sell for half of what you paid for your 2-bedroom, 1.5-bath.
- Even if it is only half a butt cheek on a window box, you are still smoking your [fill in the blank] "outside" and away from the kids.