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Inspired by the latest strides in amenity spaces, such as doggie washes and 'tween lounges, we return to our amenity scratch pad to produce this sequel to 10 Things Your Building Should Have But Doesn't.
In no particular order of longing, here are some amenitIes we'd like to see:
- Technology concierge: 24-hour tech support to retrieve the work you've lost on your laptop, reset your fully automated and integrated home audio-visual system when the motorized dining room shades open every time you try (unsuccessfully) to turn on the television, and install and monitor spy-ware on your child's computer.
- Stroller service station: All Cheerio crumbs are removed from every surface, dog-poop is powerwashed off the wheels, spit up/juice/etc is steamed out of the fabric, wheels are inflated... Your Bugaboo/Maclaren/UppaBaby will look good-as-new (and you'll have a foyer again, for a few hours.)
- The 'If I have to hear another football game I will scream' lounge: Lounge outfitted with tailgating treats for the football-obsessed, slob-proof furniture, and separate areas and televisions for Giants and Jets fans.
- The 'If you watch that reality shit in this house again I am going to unhook the cable' lounge: Lounge where sexy men serve Skinny Girl Martinis for all reality show finales (Real Housewives, Bachelor/Bachelorette, etc.).
- 'Homework Help' lounge: Multi-lingual tutors available to help youngsters with homework too advanced for parents (aka beyond second grade); organic, sugar-free snacks also provided in a nut-free environment.
- The 'Backyard': Huge indoor playspace with artificial grass and real sprinklers, sandboxes, kiddie pools, a treehouse, and a 24/7 caregiver/referee/first-aid station. Kids just run amok while parents watch from closed-circuit television upstairs. Intercom from each apartment so parents can call down to children that dinner is ready.
- In-House dermatologist: So you don't have walk down Park Avenue with the bruising/redness/peeling from your latest 'upkeep' procedure.