In no particular order of longing, here are some amenitIes we'd like to see:
Technology concierge: 24-hour tech support to retrieve the work you've lost on your laptop, reset your fully automated and integrated home audio-visual system when the motorized dining room shades open every time you try (unsuccessfully) to turn on the television, and install and monitor spy-ware on your child's computer.
Stroller service station: All Cheerio crumbs are removed from every surface, dog-poop is powerwashed off the wheels, spit up/juice/etc is steamed out of the fabric, wheels are inflated... Your Bugaboo/Maclaren/UppaBaby will look good-as-new (and you'll have a foyer again, for a few hours.)
The 'If I have to hear another football game I will scream' lounge: Lounge outfitted with tailgating treats for the football-obsessed, slob-proof furniture, and separate areas and televisions for Giants and Jets fans.
The 'If you watch that reality shit in this house again I am going to unhook the cable' lounge: Lounge where sexy men serve Skinny Girl Martinis for all reality show finales (Real Housewives, Bachelor/Bachelorette, etc.).
'Homework Help' lounge: Multi-lingual tutors available to help youngsters with homework too advanced for parents (aka beyond second grade); organic, sugar-free snacks also provided in a nut-free environment.
The 'Backyard': Huge indoor playspace with artificial grass and real sprinklers, sandboxes, kiddie pools, a treehouse, and a 24/7 caregiver/referee/first-aid station. Kids just run amok while parents watch from closed-circuit television upstairs. Intercom from each apartment so parents can call down to children that dinner is ready.
In-House dermatologist: So you don't have walk down Park Avenue with the bruising/redness/peeling from your latest 'upkeep' procedure.
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