NYC Real(i)ty Speak: Decorator decorum

You have spent the better part of the last year together getting to know each other, visiting marble yards, going to furniture shows, picking out faucets and fabrics, and spending your hard-earned money... It's no surprise you and your decorator can read each other practically like spouses.

• When she says, "I don't think it is modern enough for your taste," she really means, "I will beat the French Country out of you if it kills me."
• "Your mother's old headboard is too peach for the pillows we chose," means, "Your mother's old headboard is too ugly for the pillows I chose."
• "The contractor's wallpaper hanger better be very careful," is properly translated as, "The contractor should be using my guy."
• When you ask, "How much longer do you think it will be until we can move in?" and she says, "Six weeks," she means six months.
• When she asks, "What are your plans for next summer?" she is really saying, "When can we start on the next project? That kitchen has to go!"

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(With love and kisses to Brett Beldock of Brett Design Inc.)

Veronica X. is a Canadian by birth, an Upper West Sider by nature, and an Upper East Sider by choice and circumstance. She has finally found an apartment big enough for her family, books, and shoes and is now in the process of renovating it.