Ms. Demeanor's Vertical Etiquette

Dear Ms. Demeanor: Our (married) doorman is seeing the neighbor's daughter

By Jamie Lauren Sutton  | January 5, 2011 - 6:37AM

Dear Ms. Demeanor,

I am in possession of information I would rather not have.  I suspect our new doorman (early 30s and married) is dating one of our neighbors' daughters - their 17-year-old daughter, in fact.  I have seen her standing in the lobby talking to him meaningfully at odd hours, and when he helped her in to a taxi yesterday I am fairly certain he gave her bottom a squeeze. 

What do I do?  I do not think I can ignore the issue entirely.  I am not particularly close with my neighbors or their daughter so do not feel comfortable approaching them.




From the Wikipedia School of Law, I learned that the woman in question has reached, and only just reached, the age of consent in the State of New York, so we are thankfully not dealing with a criminal issue here.  

Some buildings have a policy against fraternization between residents and employees, but many do not.   If yours does not and you are not close friends with the neighbors in question, what it is about the affair that bothers you?  

Would you find it as unseemly if she were dating a 30-something banker?  Do you think the affair is affecting the doorman's job performance?  You have to ask yourself some tough questions here.  I would certainly not be happy if my 17- or 27-year-old child were having relationship with a much-older and/or married person but I also do not think I would want to hear about it from random 'hallway hello' source.  In the vertical village, as in any village, we are wise to let consenting adults make their own choices and own mistakes.

Yours faithfully,

Ms. Demeanor

Ms. Demeanor is channeled by a longtime Manhattan vertical dweller and real-estate voyeur who writes under the pen name Jamie Lauren Sutton. She is here to commiserate, calm and correct. Please email your quandaries to [email protected] and put "Dear Ms. Demeanor" in the subject line.

See all of Ms. Demeanor's advice here.


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