A Doorman Speaks: "Candy corn and liquor don't mix, folks"

By Openthedoor-man  | October 4, 2010 - 6:02AM

As another October rolls in, there is one day that truly breaks the monotony of working the door: Halloween.

For some doormen, the change of scenery is a welcome challenge, from dealing with the many costumed children that may come and visit, to sorting out the residents from the guests.

Other doormen, myself included, may see the day as too hectic and demanding. In years past, my excuse for not working was having children of my own to walk miles with as they trick or treated. Now, while I continue to try and uphold some kind of Halloween tradition with my family, I have to work Halloween once again.

Here’s the drill:

7:00-8:00 A.M.--Off they go!

If it’s a school day, the parents seem all too thrilled as they ship the young’uns to school in their superhero/Sportacus/Lady Gaga (well, hopefully not Lady Gaga) gear, probably praying that their kids keep it on during the course of the day. When Halloween falls on a weekend, as it does this year, the action gets started later.

As for myself and my colleagues, our doorman costumes are worn year round.

9:00 A.M. to 5 P.M.

A list might make its way to the lobby with the names of anyone willing to treat a trick-or-treater. Some buildings decorate their lobbies. A resident in mine once jazzed up a coat rack to look like a witch. Good times, me and her. (The witch, I mean.)

A weekday Halloween might not run as late because of school the next day, but it doesn't necessarily spare us doormen from the parties that may be thrown by residents for the juvenile crowd. Inevitably the lobby becomes a parking haven for some monster strollers.

As night gets closer, the really little ones start their tours of duty first, floor to floor, building to building, or store to store. Their parents, on the other hand, take this time catch up on any gossip amongst themselves, or just trying to catch up with their children running amok as candies spill out of their plastic pumpkins.

8 PM to ….?

The kids take their sugar highs inside, and the adults take over the night, expressing their inner drag queens and exhibitionists. It's always a revelation to see any resident in full Halloween mode--notch that even higher if it happens to be some board member. Under our awnings or right there in the lobby, doormen bear witness to drunk Draculas, Vlad-the-impaired-beyond-recognition, and grownup Doras looking-to-be-exploruh’d.

Right up there with St. Patrick’s Day and New Year’s Eve, Halloween is one of those nights where many individuals let loose. Unfortunately for doormen, this also means possibly having to hose vomit off the sidewalk. Rule of thumb here folks: Liquor and candy corn don’t mix.

Speaking of why your doorman may look a little tight around the mouth as the evening progresses, a little advice to the wise assed: “So what are you dressed up as? A doorman?" isn’t really that funny to someone who’s been on the job for more than a year.

Being asked if I have any Grey Poupon? Okay, maybe that’s funny.

See all A  Doorman Speaks.

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