NYC Real(i)ty Speak: How to scratch your Hamptons itch in a Junior 4

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This summer, skip the traffic and make your apartment feel like a house in the Hamptons...

1. Sprinkle sand on the floors and in the bed
2. Take $75,000 out of your bank account and flush down toilet
3. Leave wet towels and clothing in an enclosed space to get that good mildew smell
4. Add chlorine to the bathtub
5. Pretend those bed bug bites are from mosquitoes

Veronica X. is a Canadian by birth, an Upper West Sider by nature, and an Upper East Sider by choice and circumstance. She has finally found an apartment big enough for her family, books, and shoes and is now in the process of renovating it.