NYC Real(i)ty Speak: Smart replies to neighborly parenting advice

• "That boy should be wearing a sweater." REPLY: "He has his father's hot Latin blood."
• "Caroline dresses very scantily for a teenager." REPLY: "Hmmm, I was noticing your husband checking out her ass in the elevator the other day. Did he say something?"
• "Margo seems to come and go at the oddest hours and she is always alone. Aren't you concerned about her safety?" REPLY: "I feel very lucky to have such a responsible and accomplished daughter. Did you hear she got early acceptance to Cornell? I understand your Rachel is keeping her fingers crossed for Bennington."
• "Ethan tells me William is running with a different crowd these days. Do you know the families?" REPLY: "I am getting to know them. He didn't feel comfortable hanging around with Ethan and the other kids at school who are using drugs."
• "Your child was screaming so loudly I almost called the police!" REPLY: "Sorry about that, he had a double ear infection. By the way, how are you enjoying 'Dancing With the Stars' this season. I don't watch it but I can feel the rhumba music beat vibrating our shared wall."

Veronica X. is a Canadian by birth, an Upper West Sider by nature, and an Upper East Sider by choice and circumstance. She has finally found an apartment big enough for her family, books, and shoes and is now in the process of renovating it.