They know everything from your bra size to whether you pay your parking tickets on time. Now they ask the unaskable.
- "What schools do your children attend?" Translation: "We are trying to determine the caliber of teenager we can expect to have skulking around our hallways."
- "Are you interested in serving on the board?" Translation: "This is a shitty job and I can't wait to pass the pain on to someone else."
- "Are you planning to do any renovations?" Translation: "I live right beneath your proposed new apartment, so if you say yes, I will say NO!"
- (To a physician) "How have the latest changes to healthcare policy impacted your practice?" Translation: "Will you still be able to cover your monthly fees and are you a Republican?"
- "Why are you leaving Chelsea for the Upper East Side?" Translation: "Do you plan to trade in your 40 plus piercings and mesh tops for pearls and cashmere twinsets?"
Veronica X." is a Canadian by birth, an Upper West Sider by nature, and an Upper East Sider by choice and circumstance. She is presently looking to buy an apartment big enough for her family, her books, and her shoes - not necessarily in that order.