Dear Ms. Demeanor,
My neighbors have loud (porn-style) sex almost every night between 1 and 2 in the morning. I'm too embarrassed to say anything, but it's really annoying and I can't sleep. Can you recommend a well-worded letter?
The Accidental Voyeur
Dear Accidental Voyeur,
A delicately worded letter for a delicate matter... So many of our readers complain of noisy neighbors but the hardest ones to deal with head on, as it were, are those whose sighs of intimate pleasure are more like screams.
To attempt coitus interruptus, we've heard of neighbors placing prank calls mid-session, as well as ringing the doorbell and then running away. Some publicly shame the moaners by telling other neighbors about it. But we still think a firm, but fair letter is the most mature way to go.
And since you can't exactly tell them just to buzz off and get a room--obviously, they have one--here's my advice on what to write:
Ms. Demeanor is channeled by a longtime Manhattan vertical dweller and real-estate voyeur who writes under the pen name Jamie Lauren Sutton. She is here to commiserate, calm and correct. Please email your quandaries to firstname.lastname@example.org and put "Dear Ms. Demeanor" in the subject line.