Dear Ms. D,
I referred my lovely housekeeper to a dear friend. The three of us are equally obsessive about spotless grout! My housekeeper, whom I have know for over six years, worked for him for about a month and then she suddenly quit. She told me that she figured out that he is gay and cannot work for someone whose lifestyle so offends her.
My friend is completely taken aback and wondering what could have happened. I honestly don't know what to say to either of them. I do not want to hurt my friend's feelings and I do not want to punish (aka fire) my housekeeper for her beliefs.
Sweepless in Soho
A few years ago, my nanny recounted with amusement her pastor saying, "It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve."
I was quick to tell her that she knew and had playdates with one half of gay couples and their children all the time. This information didn't exactly make her a candidate for a GLAAD award, but it did open her eyes and her heart.
You may not want to go there with your housekeeper, but you should certainly tell your friend that your housekeeper is just another one in an unfortunately long line of assholes who think they know how to define love.
Bottom line: I am more than certain that your friend would be more hurt by dishonesty than by ignorance. (Yes, I am calling it ignorance--not a 'belief'--because it cheapens actual 'beliefs' to do so).
Ms. Demeanor is channeled by a longtime Manhattan vertical dweller and real-estate voyeur who writes under the pen name Jamie Lauren Sutton. She is here to commiserate, calm and correct. Please email your quandaries to firstname.lastname@example.org and put "Dear Ms. Demeanor" in the subject line.