Ms. D's loyal readers and friends have often asked her to draft letters for them, particularly letters of complaint to neighbors or board members. The letter below simplifies the process for all. Circle the appropriate words below and you are good to go!
Dear (Neighbor/Member of the Board/Counsel):
We are writing to inform you of our (concerns/frustration/murderous rage) regarding the (noise/smells/toxic fumes) coming from Apartment _____. It has been very (disruptive/disturbing/nauseating).
If these activities must continue, sensitivity to the effect of the (timing/volume/possible infection risk/all of the preceding) on the people living in proximity the aforementioned apartment is essential.
Please confine said activites to (daylight hours/special occasions/bottom of East River) or I will have to inform (the co-op board/311/ the police/Jimmy the Snake/ the New York Post).
(Respectfully/Thank you for your time and attention to this matter/Drop Dead),
(Your Concerned Neighbor/Your Name/Largest Shareholder in the Co-op So Suck It)
Ms. Demeanor is channeled by a longtime Manhattan vertical dweller and real-estate voyeur who writes under the pen name Jamie Lauren Sutton. She is here to commiserate, calm and correct. Please email your quandaries to firstname.lastname@example.org and put "Dear Ms. Demeanor" in the subject line.