A Doorman Speaks: Why I would never get involved with a resident

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Can doormen become the object of someone’s fantasies and desires?

Sure, the older roly-poly gentleman manning the door for ages who doesn’t want to retire isn’t quite the man of your dreams.

But what about the younger guys? Clean cut, a little muscular, desk area always smelling like cologne, a real live papi chulo in your lobby.

I started working the door in my early twenties. I’ve always made sure my appearance is up to par, tried to be polite and funny. I also stick to the adage, “Don’t [fill in the blank] where you eat.”

Because let’s face it: Doormen get to know all kinds of people who live in our buildings on a very personal level. Sometimes we see a person at their most vulnerable.

Maybe they broke up with a person they were dating, maybe they’re naughty and flirtatious by nature, or they just come home drunk one night. Flirting, innuendo, and double entendres can follow.

Usually, it’s just that. The resident walks into the elevator and leaves. But not always.

A doorman I know told me this story once involving a renter in his building. The individual walked over to the desk area one night and politely told him, “You can help me with one of two things. A cigarette or we can f---!”  The doorman offered the smoke.

Another story had a young doorman being approached and even offered money if he was to simply allow a male resident to service him.

Doormen are sometimes asked to go up to an apartment to help out in various situations. Residents will then answer their door sometimes in boxers, tight shorts, gowns, shower robe, and my personal favorite, boobs out. (It is worth noting that this particular person was under the impression her boyfriend was going to be knocking on the door, not I.)

Over the years, opportunity has winked in my direction a few times, if not quite knocked.  But I have stuck to my philosophy about that type of extracurricular activity.  And I don’t say this to sound like some angel. We’re talking about someone who sold weed and even toked a few joints on the job in my time.

Getting involved with a resident on a romantic level is something else altogether. Who’s to say it wouldn’t turn into an obsession, and maybe even jealousy upon seeing a person with someone else? 

And being a family man, this doorman would have a lot to lose other than my job.

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