An insider's guide to the de-doormanned life

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Talks to avert a doorman strike appear set to run right down to the wire Tuesday night, as representatives from Hollywood to City Hall side with the men and women in uniform.

Residents fielded taped calls from Sex & the City actress Cynthia Nixon this weekend urging them to "take care of the people who take care of us," while politicians prepared to prod property owners into offering a "fair" contract  at a City Hall press conference later this morning.

Where does that leave you?  If you didn't get your building's strike prep memo--or even if you did--read on for BrickUnderground's inside scoop on the ups and downs of your possible impending de-doormanization:

1.  Doggy downer: Your best furry friend’s noontime romp with the doorman is off, while outside dogwalkers may not be granted the authority to penetrate your building’s lockdown. 

On the other hand, your doorman won't be giving you the fisheye for letting your dog relieve itself in front of the building. (Bear in mind that there will be no one paid to hose the sidewalk down every day either.)

2.  Sextasy:  If you shy away from bringing strangers home for sex because you don’t want the doorman to judge you or gossip, fear no longer.  (True, one of your neighbors might be manning the door instead, but in a big enough building this shouldn’t present much of a problem either.)

If you are bothered by the loud mating cries of your neighbors, however, you will have to deal with that situation yourself, rather than passive aggressively asking the doorman to buzz upstairs with a “noise complaint.”

3. Deliverance: With many if not most formerly-full-service buildings set to ban all deliveries except mail during the strike, Fresh Direct dependents will need to Google map the nearest grocery store (buy extra large garbage bags!), then borrow a handcart or shop in small increments like the now-you-know-why-they’re-so-thin French.   

Also, unless their delivery guys are equipped to call you from the sidewalk in front of your building, you will need to rediscover the physical locations of the drycleaners, your favorite Chinese restaurant, taco joint, and liquor store. If you can’t get packages at work, you will need to get acquainted with the pick up locations for UPS, FedEx et al.

The upside: No tipping or delivery charges. By our calculations that could add up to as many as five Grande Lattes a week. On top of the money you'll save by walking your own dog.

4.  A Swifter-free zone for sellers:  If you’re selling your apartment, you won’t be able to show your place during a strike, as open houses or unaccompanied strangers are verboten, and there will be no doorman to hand your key to a broker.  

On the bright side, you can temporarily retire the dust buster and obsessive-compulsive cleaning habits….and not get so crazy about the garbage and recycling piling up in your foyer.

5. An end to newspaper guilt? True, you and your neighbors may need to sort your building’s mail. On the other hand, without the newspaper delivered to your door each morning, you finally have a good excuse for not reading it.

More BrickUnderground 2010 Strike Coverage:

Strike epilogue: How did the union get your email address? 

Threat of strike diminishing amid "significant progress"

'91 doorman strike not that bad

Doorman march on Park Avenue marked by kids, whistles, smiles

Predicting a doorman strike: Why this time is different

Don't look for me on the picket line

Paying rent in a strike

Going rogue: Hitting the panic button in a strike

Relax, N.Y.: Doorman strike vote is just part of the dance 

In case of strike, hold onto your gas cap

See all strike coverage here.

 

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